The Holidays are notorious for bringing together a hefty combination of joy, laughter, family, drinks, sweets, eggnog, and other seasonal treats, and for many of us, once the lights lose their twinkle and the mistletoe has worked its magic, it shows. Like, 10 pounds or so of memories to lug around which could easily become a permanent reminder of the jolliest of seasons.
And so, a bit late this year, I offer you 5 tips to help you avoid gaining the seasonal 10 pounds of joy:
- Get sick. No need to go all out and catch the flu. Just get the kind of sick where nothing tastes like much of anything, and where the only thing you really want is chicken noodle soup.
- Choose your sugar du jour. Most would say that you should refrain from sugar altogether. Yeah, right. Instead, this tip puts the power into your own hands: the power of choice. Will it be pie? Eggnog? Wine? Or Bourbon? I always pick bourbon. Except when I really flex my choice muscles and go for piegnogookies after wine, and before bourbon. But this option is really only for the experts; people who love to lose 10 pounds several times a year.
- Avoid parties. Not a big deal if you’re too sick to go anyway, but if you’re feeling up to it, it would be best to avoid the sweet indulging peer pressure. You don’t want to be the person who has one cookie or glass of Bourbon and then makes everyone else feel awkward as they joyously nibble and sip away the entire evening. No one wants to be that person. So if you end up going, don’t be surprised if you end up nibbling and sipping along with everyone else so you don’t make them feel bad.
- Fall head over heels in love with a hobby. Pick up knitting, or sewing, or Pinterest-crafting (I don’t recommend cookie baking), and get so into it you forget to eat. This is a little tricky when you have children to feed, but I know from experience that they can survive on pretzels and apple sauce in a pinch, and your 120 hand-knit scarves are so worth it.
- If all else fails, when you find yourself approaching that 10 pound gain, go all out and skip straight from 9 to 11. It may be a technicality, but 12 pounds is not 10 pounds. And sometimes, a technicality is exactly what you need to reach your goal.
Happy merriment, everyone!
PS: this is meant to be a humorous post, not a weight loss or an actual weight gain prevention approach. It is not meant to belittle anyone who struggles with weight issues. I would never do so, being someone who has struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember.
Jeremy Martin-Weber is the proud father of 6 inspiring girls, and is 19 years into a love story with his partner, Jessica Martin-Weber.